https://picasaweb.google.com/109874608943839423570/Parentsupportgroup_nov2011#

Parentsupportgroup_nov2011

It was a great session – thank you all for participating!

We talked about many of the ideas in this post.

And as a group we shared more ideas to help a child with homework, directly and indirectly:

• Endotek spray (Theanine)
• Magnesium – available as a topical oil or as an Epsom salt lotion
• Nicotine patch (work with your ARI doctor on dosage)
• Exercise
• Avoiding florescent lights
• Give your child advance notice of what is coming up
• Be calm when helping your child with homework
• Goal is to collaborate with your child on the homework
• Homework is like a lattice, not a ladder. There is more than one way up. Important for us to see the bigger picture.
• Ask your child how they feel. Share your own feelings. Show them a feelings chart.
• If writing or typing is challenging for your child, and if the homework is a topic like social studies – then you can either help them with the actual typing or print images and help them cut and paste instead of drawing.
• Look into technology to help … here are a few ideas
• If your child likes a TV show, try to use it to help them in some way with homework. For example http://pbskids.org/superwhy/
• Math: make it more interesting and relatable to them. Turn it into a story
• Also make math tactile and interactive
• Khan Academy videos … www.khanacademy.com
• Keep a spelling dictionary in reach
• Get a ball chair for them to sit on or a inflatable chair pad

Another topic was if a child has overly high expectations of himself, and is stressing from pressure to keep making straight As then here are some ideas:

• Engage your child in a discussion about what their expectations are
• That is just a part of who they are, honor and accept it
• When your child is sad about not getting an A we have to accept him for who he is rather than try to fix him
• Acknowledge rather than praise
• Life is about letting our kids solve their own problems

Several friends asked me to share my notes… so I have posted the full set here as pictures…

Below are a few of my takeaways (hopefully no glaring errors) … the actual presentations and talks will be posted to www.dramyyasko.com   still it’s fun to share our learnings so here goes:

1)      Before vaccinating – get gaba/glutamate in balance and get the methylation cycle working well. And be sure that there are no infections – even check stool to see that there are no parasitic infections which can also impair immune response.

2)      With Microbes – like strep – lithium and iodine levels are important to monitor. Need to also run a CSA + GI test at least 2x a year.

3)      Low iron could be caused by insufficient B12 or by lead toxicity- because lead creates a block that competes with gaba ? And? My note: this article might be related.  Even small amounts of iron on a UEE usually means that a stool test will show bacteria – that needs to be treated!  Also iron may be partially correlated by Vitamin D – there is a correlation.

4)      SNP mutations in the nutritional pathway matter, by supplementing we can make a difference for our kids

5)      Too much vitamin A can impair methylation. Yet Vitamin A is helpful. We just need moderation. It is important to balance the nutritional pathways with small amounts of supplements – rather than high doses. And to test every few months or several times a year to see where we are on the map – rather than driving blindly.

6)      Epigenetics are important – “Epigenetics deals with the regulation of gene activity within a cell – which genes are switched on or off, and when it happens” and “everything from a lab animal being exposed to a toxic chemical to a person smoking, being malnourished in childhood, or overeating–leaves an imprint on eggs or sperm, an imprint so tenacious that it affects not only those individuals’ children but their grandchildren as well.” Begley, Sharon. “Sins of the Grandfathers.” Newsweek 8 Nov. 2010.

7)      The methylation cycle is one of the most critical cycles to improve and to study.

8)      Seizures – can be caused by high glutamate. Unusable folate *might” cause excess glutamate. So it is important to not overdose folate. And equally important to choose the type of folate that will be best absorbed. Also need glutamate/gaba in balance.

9)      Eye issues? Gaba/glutamate may be out of balance. Add more gaba.

10)   People with high intelligence capacity – might have more glutamate receptors and therefore be more prone to high glutamate/overflowing excitotoxins.

11)   Melatonin helps with oxidative stress & mito functioning & glutathione issues. Sp melatonine isn’t just for sleep. We can all most all use a bit/ Take at bedtime tough – also causes sleep

12)   Polyamines help regulate the methylation pathway – influencing phospholypids and gaba concentrations.

If I were starting from the beginning … I would ask Vincent to come test my home vmerrill@leadfreeoc.com 714-767-8911 http://www.leadfreeoc.com/ Or Jennifer http://www.thesmartmama.com/

You will have to pay an hourly rate plus the a plane ticket from LA.

That would be the best way to be sure. Even though it costs several hundred dollars – it is certainly less that replacing everything in your home! It will be very educational too. Online often the moms join together to get a few people testing together in the bay area and that saves cost (split the airfare)

All bedding sold in the state of California will have flame retardants added (unless you purchased with a doctor’s prescription from a specially accommodating place). Just to share though I do use a conventional organic mattress cover on our son’s bed/ But the mattress was purchased with a prescription.

For pj’s get the long johns from

www.hannaandersson.com

To see the big “overwhelming “ list of areas that could be harboring toxins and many specifics, see https://sites.google.com/site/helpingdelayedkids/environmental

To summarize: I would schedule 2-3 hours of testing and then based on the results, prioritize what needs to be replaced first

Start slowly, this is a marathon not a sprint…

Please see the potential of the special needs child, see what they can become and how they can contribute – even in seemingly small ways now. like they may have a beautiful smile, a sparkle in their eyes. Then try to see what you can do to help bring out the sparkle and the smile. He/she has a heart, but their abilities to communicate or engage in skills may be limited by their challenges.

Also, many special needs children hear every word you say – even though they are not looking at you or even if they may appear to be not paying attention. And communication is so much more than just speech. They communicate with a gesture, a look, a sound.

If a child has communication challenges, please limit his/her electronic game time (includes TV and computer games).  Because a child that can’t communicate well will easily tune out people and tune in to the TV/Computer etc. The key to learning to communicate is first WANTING to communicate. The wanting to communicate starts with successful building of relationships, even just exchanging smiles, looks, laughter. That is the start of a relationship.

If you like podcasts on your mp3 player, please download some of Dr Greenspan’s excellent talk series from www.floortime.org The Greenspan/Weider books on floortime and special needs kids are also the very best.

Floortime made a huge impact for my son, I started trying to engage him with floortime play when he was 2, then received coaching when he was 3 and his communication took off!!!

Please also check the children’s Hallmark Developmental Milestones according to www.firstsigns.org/healthydev/milestones.htm  If you see any delays, please kindly and compassionately give a print out of that webpage to the parent and tell them that you are not an expert but you are wondering if they could maybe take a look at the page (of developmental milestones and then consult a professional if warranted). At 18 months of age my son’s caregiver told us that she wasn’t sure if my son was hearing her clearly, this helpfully led to us discovering that he needed early interventions. As a caregiver, you can make a HUGE different. Parents don’t see the stuff!!! Neither do pediatricians, you are with the kids for hours at  time, you see the kids objectively, You can make a difference!

More tips from an article by Gail Ewell:

•           One of the greatest challenges is that special-needs children are more likely to be overwhelmed by crowded classes and loud noises.  To address these issues, try decreasing the class size and ensuring that the class routine is well ordered and structured.  Be sure that the classroom and bathroom are wheelchair accessible.

•           Ask if the child needs extra assistance.  Again, work with the parents to decide if another adult volunteer is needed or if a buddy system can be worked out.  For example, if the child struggles with auditory learning, a peer could demonstrate how to do activities after the teacher gives verbal instructions.

•           Is the child more eager to cooperate if given choices?  Asking a child with special needs what song he wants to sing or if he would rather cut or paste at craft time can help him feel more in control.

•           Is the child sensitive to certain substances?  Some special-needs children are “tactile-defensive.”  For example, they may be unable to use liquid glue but can use a glue stick.  Do they do better when working on colored paper rather than on white or black paper?  Are there certain foods they cannot chew or swallow?  [Also, some special-needs kids have severe food allergies.  Please respect all food instructions given by the parents.  Watch younger children closely so they do not eat other children’s snacks.  CA]

•           A child who may not excel in other areas may benefit from being given the “honor” of passing out snacks or leading the march to the bathroom.  Look for opportunities to give him a leadership role.

•           Does the child learn best with visual aids?  If so, instructions should be more “show” and less “tell.”  Memory scriptures and Bible stories can be acted out with play figures, puppets or stuffed animals.

•           What resources are available in your environment?  Occupational/physical/speech therapists, psychologists and special education teachers are a great help in designing creative ways to meet the child’s needs.

2. Describe the needs of parents of children with special needs and how child-care providers can be supportive.

Please let the parents know both encouraging news and the “needs to work on” news. Don’t just report only the bad news. We parents need to know the good parts too, to balance out! A communication book (like a small composition book) that goes back and forth everyday with the child is super helpful as you can date and add your remarks. There need not be an entry every day. The parents can write back to you too, and the therapists.

Ask questions, be interested “how is Johnny coming along in speech therapy, how can I help support the SLP’s work in the ___ setting?”

If the child is on a special diet, PLEASE PLEASE honor the special diet. There are several kinds of allergies to learn about.

1) Food sensitivities (igg type ) result in a rash, a stomach ache, an inflamed bowel, compromised immune system, etc. If the child has an infraction (eats food that they are sensitive to) and if the sensitivity is high, then the child may even regress or become ill. Please ask the parents to give you a written list of all the foods that are allowed and not allowed. Also, ask the parents what to do if the child grabs a forbidden food and eats it. And ask the parents to give you a stash of treats to keep in the classroom or care room, with her child’s name clearly written on the items.

2) ige allergies – fatal if not treated. This child will have an epi pen kit – a shot/injection to be given if they are exposed to the allergen. Most common ige allergen is peanuts. The ige allergy is VERY VERY SENSITIVE, even being in the same room as a person eating a food containing the allergen can set off the reaction. Even being touched by a person AFTER they finished eating the allergen. If you have a child with an ige allergy, letters should be sent to all parents insisting that the allergen food NOT be sent to the school ever.

3. Describe what it is like to collaborate and consult with a variety of agencies in the community.

RC in my case was helpful, but everything moved slow. Took months to start his speech therapy partly because we requested RC to increase services and secondly because Speech services had a long waiting list.

SD (School District) can be a positive experience to work with but most of the time they are challenging to work with because funds are low, staff is overworked, paperwork is bureaucratic, and decision makers are few. The parent has to be well informed and assertive to navigate and even then may experience frustration. Parents MUST read/learn about the IEP process and their rights. They MUST collaborate with other parents in their situation and/or with an advocate or attorney. The sf bay area section of www.helpingdelayedkids.com has local Northern California support groups, avocates, and attorneys. It is also very helpful to call www.php.org for the same.

PHP www.php.org is very helpful, they can answer many questions and they offer many free classes and support groups.

HopeSchoolwww.hopetech.org has been a wonderful inclusion school for my son, he started at age 4 in their preschool.

Various therapy places – often have good therapists, but it can be a nightmare to get the insurance reimbursement and their rates are extremely high for private pay and waiting lists are often extremely LONGGGG for the most popular places.

2’s special needs group class sponsored by RC was not a fit for us, some of the kids were very disruptive (behavior issues) and we switched to individual therapy instead. Emotionally it was draining for me to be around other special needs kids when he was 2, I was overwhelmed. It was a parent participation class.

Getting started

You need to find partners (therapists, teachers, doctors, support, and more) and information. Most of us start without a game plan. Instead, we just jump in and chip away at the challenges with whatever resources and tools we can find. Even if you do have a game plan/roadmap, please stay open to other interventions and ideas as you go!

Most states have an Early Start program that is free and offers some therapy and respite hours. To access the Early Start programs in California, contact your local regional center http://www.dds.cahwnet.gov/RC/RCInfo.cfm . A Regional Center Social Worker will come out to your home, ask questions and generally determine if your child is eligible. Then you will meet a developmental pediatrician at theRegionalCenter office and then the Social Work, The Dev Ped and you, the parent, will formulate a plan as to what services the RC will offer you (free). Keep in mind that the RC’s funds are limited so they will not be likely to offer you an optimal plan. To get more services from the RC, you will need evaluation reports from other professionals that outline the need for specific services and the number of hours per week. Then you can negotiate.

It is ideal to go to RC first and then at 3 years of age have the RC refer you to the SD for an IEP. Because these are scheduled some time in advance the SD is fairly prompt about setting up the meetings. If you instead are calling in direct to the SD to request an IEP, you must have a professional report showing the need, or you must be very persistent.

If you believe that your child needs certain services (ie Speech Therapy orABAor Biomed  DAN physician – which MOST kids benefit from) then call NOW to get on the waiting lists. There are many LONG waiting lists for services.

See these very helpful checklists http://www.tacanow.com/new-parents/quickstart.htm

The hardest thing about changing how your child eats is changing your routine.  We promise, once you learn some new tricks, have a new shopping list, and buy some new recipe books it really isn’t that hard.  Margaret works full time and Jill has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  We both have two kids and one husband each.  We both have outside interests and packed schedules.  If we can do it, you can do it.

Remember to check out online resources like www.gfcfdiet.com, www.AutismNDI.com, www.tacanow.com (especially the great article   )http://www.tacanow.org/family-resources/going-gfcfsf-in-10-weeks/ , www.pecanbread.com, and the many wonderful blogs full of tried and true recipes (google gfcf recipes for kids blog ).

Starting the GFCF diet

Tip:  For GFCF the best advice is to start by removing casein since most of our kids do have an IgG immune system reaction to casein and after just a few days most parents see a positive improvement, which is very encouraging.

Tip:  Get an insulated lunch box for toting snacks.

Tip:  Clear some space in your cupboards and in your refrigerator for GFCF foods.
Tip:  If possible, find a local parent of a child already on a special diet (even if it is not exactly the same diet) and ask them to take you grocery shopping together so that you can learn what stores in your area cater to special diets, learn about which products to shop for, and get tips about where to find everything.
Tip:  Our advice to parents who are about to embark on The Diet is to prepare as well as possible by buying as many alternatives for each milk product and trying it out themselves before giving it to their child to taste. Look through all of the baked goods that you normally buy. Most of them will be out because there is casein in them.

Tip:  Take time to learn to read the labels for absolutely everything you buy for the home and get really comfortable with how things are made and named. If there are some foods (like pasta sauce) that you normally buy ready-made, decide whether or not you will risk buying one that is dairy-free even when the manufacturer makes dairy ones on the same production lines, or whether you will just make your own (it’s not hard).

Tip:  Switch to a deli that slices meats and cheeses on separate machines. Many do it on the same machines.

Tip:  Bring treats to school so the teacher has it on hand at all times. Write something up for the teacher and include a list of all the forbidden ingredients so she can refer to it at a moment's notice. Do the same with babysitters and any other family member with whom your child will visit.

Tip:  Look through your medicine cabinet and replace all cosmetics, soaps, creams that have dairy and gluten in them (Aveeno is out on the GF diet).

Tip:  Talk to your child daily about the new diet each day for at least a week before starting. Involve your child in as much of the shopping and preparations for the switch as possible. If you are going to start baking your own bread and cookies, involve her. The more she is a part of the process, the more likely it is that she will accept the change and cooperate.

Tip:  Teach your child to ask teachers and other non-family members if there is milk or butter in the treats (candy, cookies, popsicles) they offer her.

Tip:  Start out by removing casein first, since casein is cleared from the body faster.  Margaret suggest gradually removing gluten products over the course of several weeks, referring to it as the “boiling a lobster” method…if you want to boil a lobster you gradually keep turning up the heat.

Tip:  Jill’s experience was a little different.  Once casein was out, gluten came out.  Period.

Tip:  Hire a babysitter or arrange to have a family member watch your child.  Make an appointment with yourself to go to the grocery store and health food store by yourself.  Or if available, go to a natural foods grocery story like Whole Foods, Natures, or Wild Oats.  Take the time to read labels while you’re in the store.  Give yourself a couple of hours to familiarize yourself with what’s on the shelves.

Tip:     Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s have lists of gluten-free foods, but be warned, these are not all casein-free foods, but the lists are an excellent starting point.

Tip:  Find a good tasting bread.  Okay, easier said than done, but generally locating a decent bread will make the transition easier for all involved.  Many of us have happily ordered the white sandwich bread from Kinnikinnick Foods:  http://www.kinnikinnick.com/ . They also sell good hamburger buns and hot dog buns. An even tastier bread is Tom’s Celiac Light Bread. We have had the best results making it from the mix sold by www.glutenfreepantry.com . Also, for those baker moms, see the recipe section for the baking this bread from scratch.

Tip:  Keep the GFCF bread in freezer and bring out only enough to toast.

Tip:  Have a gluten-free toaster or toaster oven so you don’t have to worry about cross-contamination.

Tip:  Put together a Starter Kit for yourself with two or three things for each meal, like GFCF frozen waffles, GFCF chicken nuggets, rice noodles, GFCF crackers (Ener-g brand recommended- closest to saltines),

Tip: Kicking the gluten can be tough for some kids.  One mom reported that her son craved it for a long time.  He’d even eat dry cat food and playdough to get it.  He would have big tantrums for 3-4 days if he got just a few bites.  Even after he was off of it except for the occasional error, he’d get into sweets that he couldn’t have because of the cravings. He gained a lot of weight on the GFCF diet the first year because they made direct substitutions for the gluten items and gave him juice instead of milk which was just too many carbs.  Finally, their DAN! doctor put the son on a diet of 60-100 grams of carbohydrates each day.  The family has quite a challenge to keep their son from sneaking stuff.  Refrigerator locks for both the freezer sections and the fridge and Tot-Locks for the pantry cupboards saved the day.  Being the food police is so exhausting, but the child proofing gadgets helped!

Tip: When getting started here is an important tip – “not” cooking is okay!!!  Reading labels and buying the right stuff is fine for a start.  Just pick a day and say this is it; you’ll get better as you go along.  And, you will make errors, don’t sweat it, but make each day better than the one before because it’s really worth it.  Keep track of behavioral and bowel reactions to every change in food, meds or supplements — it’s very useful for both you as a detective for your child and for all professionals that your child works with, ie DAN! Doctor, nutritionist, etc.

Tip: Here’s a tip on introducing new foods from Natalie Sare, former Director of BACDA, Bay Area Child Development Associates. With any change, the key is to keep the change slight, incremental. This is the same as with any type of de-sensitization program. Break down the desired behavior into small steps. For example, only change out a few foods at a time.. Don’t call any attention to the change or to their behavior. Keep reinforcing any successes that you see with each small step learned. Use huge reinforcers in the beginning, then gradually reduce the size of the reinforcer.

******************************

Over 80% of our body chemistry is water. We drink, cook, clean, with water …lots of water. So we want the cleanest water possible.

Toxins creep into our water supply – either naturally from the environment, from the reservoir  ,  the Aqueduct. The water treatment facilities along the way,  the pipes in our home, even the faucet spigots in our home.

Ideally, I want to test the water from every faucet in my home, on a regular basis and filter the water appropriately. But the frequent and broad based testing is not practical.

My “long term” checklist includes a whole house filter – I’d really like the system from http://gobeyondorganic.com/ because I agree with much of his writing and he was recommended by Debra Lynn Dadd http://debralynndadd.com/ author of the amazing book “ Home Safe Home “… this is the water system that Debra uses in her own home and she is very sensitive – read her story at her site.

Barring that, instead my family uses a Multi-pure 750SB under sink system from FoustCo  . I originally learned about Foust from Kathy Kaufman nutritionist. The Multi-pure removes many but not all contaminants – you can read the list of contaminants and the performance specs at the foustco site.  I preferred this over RO because I wanted to maintain sme minteral content in our water – for improved ph and also natural trace mineral support.

RO – reverse osmosis systems are available at Costco and other places.

We also have KDF filters on our shower heads http://www.inspiredliving.com/shower-filters/ to remove the chlorine and at least part of the Chloramine.

More links and suggestions are here on my main site https://sites.google.com/site/helpingdelayedkids/environmental#TOC-Water

Hitting Playdate Gold! Getting our Preschoolers to Play Together

By Margaret Motamed

When my son Nicholas was 2 years old, I desperately wanted him to communicate and play with other kids, but he was not yet ready. He would stay fixated on his train table for hours, unwilling and unable to participate in shared activities. We eventually found ways to draw him out. We took the time to teach him interpersonal and social skills that prepared him for interactions with others. When he was ready, we learned how to organize successful interactions with peers, a heartwarming sight I treasure to this day! Looking back, I now know I was so eager for him to play with others that I neglected to ask myself some very basic questions about his level of functioning, which ultimately affected the success (or failure) of these planned get-togethers.

Is my child ready for playdates?

According to Dr. Stanley Greenspan, author of The Child with Special Needs, “As soon as your child can open and close circles of communication most of the time… you can begin arranging playdates.” Greenspan is best known within the autism community as the founder of the DIR®/Floortime™ intervention strategy, which, in a nutshell is a way of playing very interactively and engagingly with your child. Circles of communication refer to the child’s ability to respond to our communication, even with a nonverbal look or a gesture. A child ready for playdates:

• Has a functional, reliable, communication system (either verbal, nonverbal or a combination of both)
• Responds in some way to your communication most of the time
• Shares in joint activities, i.e. helps spoon cookie dough onto a tray
• Is able to be around peers without tantruming

What can I do if he’s not yet ready?

Before kids are ready for playdates, parents can begin setting the stage for playful, positive interaction. Find places where preschoolers in your community go to play: a nearby park, a playground near soccer fields on Saturdays, open time at the junior gym. Take a bag of toys that encourage interaction. Enlist the other kids: “Could you please go to the top of the slide and help him? Could you please go show him this bag of cookies and tell him it’s snack time?” Exchange contact information with the other parents for future playdates. You can do this! Think about and teach the social skills the child will need for basic interaction with one of his peers: turn taking, sharing, some measure of behavior control (i.e. no hitting, biting, etc.)

Finding a match

Once you and your child are ready for playdates, it’s time to scout out candidates. According to Cindy Harrison, a DIR Clinician, “It is important to consider your child’s individual differences when you are seeking out playmates. A child who is under reactive might benefit from an assertive, social child a few years older – a child who might be a little bit bossy to get them to engage. A child who is over reactive might do better with a child who is quieter, gentler and calmer. In the beginning you will need to be an active player to help your child engage.”

In my experience, schoolmates, especially typical kids, or kids partially “graduated” from special education make the best playmates! At first, limit playdates to just one visitor; we need to ease children into interaction with others. If your child appears to build a rapport with a new child, invite him or her over. Keep in mind that engaging play is more than words, especially at early developmental levels. Being engaged can be no more than shared sounds like “zoom zoom” with cars, shared toys, shared gestures, and shared glances. As Dr. Greenspan suggests, we want to woo the child with special needs, enticing them to communicate with us. That sense of valuing relationships, recognized by a “gleam in their eyes” as they play, is a much-treasured goal.

Get ready

Your child will appreciate a bit of advance notice that a friend is coming. Talk about turn taking, what will happen, and choices in advance. A playdate is not the time for instructing and teaching. It is time for playing! So set the stage for your child’s success. Set out only toys and activities that both children already know and enjoy. As the parent your role is to facilitate the playdate; avoid the temptation to become one of the players! In advance decide what to tell the other family about your child. For us, it was natural to be open about his autism. However, this is a personal choice.

Plan for success

The purpose of the playdate is for your child to have a successful and enjoyable time engaging with a peer. Create an agenda with several built-in choices and a time limit for the structured play. I discovered that I could only stay engaged and actively facilitate for 1-2 hours. Effective facilitation is hard work! You are prompting the kids to engage with simple choices that put them in the driver’s seat. You are a helpful navigator, providing structure and great choices! Kids have similar limits, and some may only be able to engage for 15-20 minutes at first. Be flexible and go with the flow. You will also want to plan for contingencies. What will you do if one child does not want to play, or your child starts to tantrum, or the other child is getting too bossy? Having a “Plan B” for different situations will ensure a successful playdate. Do not skip this step!

Friends forever

Today, my son Nicholas is 9. He is friendly, social and loves to invite friends over to play. Those early playdates, while a tremendous amount of effort and stress, yielded valuable results for us. Nicholas learned to develop friendships, and several of those early playmates have become his lifelong friends!

BIO

Margaret Motamed is a Floortime, biomed, you-name-it-we-want-to-try-it mom to two wonderful kids and blessed wife to a supportive husband. She welcomes questions and comments at motamedfamily@comcast.net and shares tips at www.helpingdelayedkids.com.

SIDEBAR 1

Q&A with Natalie Sare, former Director of Bay Area Child Development Associates, and Executive Director of Autism International.

MM:  Is it just the Behavioral or Play Therapist’s role to facilitate playdates?

NS:  No, anyone can facilitate playdates and/or interaction with others. When your ASD child is young you need to take advantage of every teaching opportunity, especially in the area of social skills. Obviously, parents are with their children the most. That means facilitating an interaction with the mail carrier, the neighbor, etc., as well as other children. You also want interaction to eventually become natural, so that means facilitating play with peers in your home early on, so you can eventually fade your prompting.

MM:  How important is it to prepare a schedule for the playdate? 10:30am play dough or bubbles, 11:00am snack, etc.

NS:  Setting up a schedule is extremely important. Predictability is calming for the child with autism and often decreases anxiety. Put out the play materials before the peer arrives. You want everything easily accessible to both children at all times so you can prompt play, rather than spend time getting materials, explaining games, etc.

Only put out toys and games your child already knows how to play. Teach your child the games and how to play with the toys prior to the playdate. Your role is to facilitate and prompt interaction between the children, not teach how to play the game.

MM:  But, what if the special needs and typical peer don’t want to do those activities I’ve planned?

NS:  Have a backup plan! Have six different items available that might interest them. The items you put out are just vehicles to jumpstart interaction. If the prepared items do not work, try new ones. Be flexible! Better yet, if they both choose not to play with all the toys and create a game of tag instead, please go with it! That’s a good thing! The goal here is interaction with the peer. This may mean simply talking about favorite colors, or tickling each other. The worst play facilitators are the ones who lose sight of the goal, which is interaction, and insist that children play with the items they have put out, period. Well…that stinks! And you won’t get any interaction that way! You’ll also lose your peer because these playdates need to be really, really fun!

Talk with the peer’s mom in advance to find out what kind of games and toys the peer really likes. Provide many highly desirable items including those that foster interaction, such as puppets, playhouses, dress up, large boxes, large blocks, etc. Stay away from items that are usually played in isolation, such as computers. You want to optimize the playdate as much as possible by providing the toys that really foster interaction and language, especially in the beginning.

MM:  Often the kids are parallel playing happily (and quietly). Do I need to barge in like a camp counselor and say, “It’s play time!”?

NS:  We need to think about what’s best for the child at his or her developmental and social-emotional level, and our goal for the playdate. While parallel play is good for certain children at certain stages, if your goal is teaching your child interaction with peers, you should optimize the time, get in there, and facilitate interaction. Without facilitation, many children with autism will continue to parallel play and never learn the skill of interaction. Remember, teaching children with ASD interaction, social and play skills is no different then teaching other children mathematics. Learning to play together is not something ASD kids just automatically pick up from their environment.

MM:  My son needs extra help when playing board games. Should I just sit beside him and help him, or ask the typical peer to help him?

NS:  No! You should never teach a child a new skill, such as a new board game, during a playdate. Teaching changes the dynamics of the playdate from interaction to instruction. Remember, you need to teach your child with ASD one skill at a time, to optimize his success. Teach the board game one-one-one first, just you and him. Then when he’s mastered it, and if he really likes it, you can bring it into the peer play session.

MM:  What if the other parent wants to bring a sibling to the playdate?

NS:  While it is tempting to take “any” playdate, even the ones where the other mom has to bring the younger sibling…don’t do it. The playdate should be only your child, the peer, and the facilitator. If you are the facilitator, you should also never have the other parent stay to “chat and have coffee.” You need to be able to focus on facilitating play and interaction without any distractions. Siblings of children with ASD are great playdate peers and their parents understand what you are doing. Often it’s best to seek out those kids for playdates.

SIDEBAR 2   [Margaret: I’m not sure we’ll have room for this sidebar. The article, bio and first sidebar put us right about at our word count: 1823. But if we do, I’ll include this 2^nd sidebar, so I’ve added our edits. I’ll know once I see the first layout of the entire magazine.]

Setting the Stage for Peer Play

Set up the play area with toys that encourage reciprocity. Put away toys your child loves to play alone – trains often fall into this category for our spectrum kids. Here are some toys my preschooler enjoyed during peer play:

• Stomp rockets
• Water guns/ watering cans
• Finger paint /wide handle brushes/large sheets of paper taped to a window
• Outdoor bug hunt kits: jugs of water with 10% biodegradable soap
• Sidewalk chalk
• Sand toys and sand
• Playdough pretend kits: ice cream sundaes, barber, cutout cookies
• Obstacle courses – can be as simple as a path marked with flour, or a tunnel to crawl through
• Fort building kits: sheets, clothes pins and chairs, stickers for decorating, flashlights
• Decorating cupcakes or cookies
• Foam swords or pool noodles as pretend “swords”
• Marble run
• Simple floor puzzles: Alphabet (26 pieces)
• A Timetimer ( www.timetimer.com ) helps kids with turn taking
• Simple and silly board games: Cranium Cariboo, Go Away Monster by Gamewright, Honey Bear Tree (or Kerplunk)

And at that same time I was again inspired with a whole mission. Incredibly. Nicholas joined a new technology program called www.hackingautism.org – and suddenly I realized that for about 5 years at home I have also not applied technology innovation to helping Nicholas either…and that technology can and will help him with his learning and his processing speed and homework and more.

I also see that there is an intersection between the Agile learning that I have engaged in over the last year ( www.agiledreamer.com )and the innovations that will help Nicholas and kids like him. I am very excited and filled to the brim with ideas. Ideas for Nicholas to help other kids – maybe with movies that he makes on the computer. And ideas for new ways to use the touch technology on a big screen to help kids like Nicholas. Ideas for how to get the speech to text technology to work for Nicholas – even with his stammering. And ideas for blogs to help other moms like me.

I am very grateful to to the many volunteers of the HackingAustim initiative – there are many heros helping our kids, helping technologists to ” Hack Autism”..

HP and Phil McKinney

Hope Technology School

Goodby, Silverstein, and Partners

and many amazing volunteers…

I will be posting more of my learning with technology to help kids with special needs here on this blog in hopes that it will help other parents and also help technologists to understand our needs and the opportunity to make a difference!